The beginning of November marks the end, I hope, of something I have been doing wrong for the last month.
You see, I understand how disgusting the human body is. All we see on TV, movies and magazines is not what is actually is. I mean come on, let’s start with our morning breath, it doesn’t matter how well you brush your teeth or how rough you are or the use of floss and mouth wash it still awful the next morning, some worse than others. We all secret and discharge and are disgustingly beautiful on the inside.
We are basically full of shit 24/7 and as much as pretty girls would like to make it seem differently they often take a dump just like you do. They even look when they wipe. I know, I know is a little disgusting and you may have probably stopped reading by now but we have to accept that we are all dis-fuckig-gusting.
I could name different things our bodies do and you could google them and we would never ever be friends after that, you’d hate me. Hell you’d sue me because you’d be scarred for life.
Now back to my issue.
Let me explain you a little bit about my ritual, or some part of it. Once I get home from work I shower with warm soapy water and then I proceed to use body cream, sometimes scented sometimes I skip it, it all the depends on my mood. I also have the tendency of skipping deodorant at home. I don’t need it and I hardly ever sweat and that’s where I want I focus. Skipping has been becoming a habit and since I use layers and layers of clothing both work and daily life. I like jackets and cardigans because for some reason I am always cold. Now picture me working for 8 to 9 straight hours and then picture me skipping the damn deodorant.
I don’t know why my body at times like these betrays me. In a temperature controlled environment where I hardly do any heavy lifting, maybe stress could trigger some sweating but not the amount necessary to feel like I have a cascade running down my armpits. Which is what I normally feel or have been feeling every single time my stupid brain decides to tell I have sprayed it all over my silly smelly old ass pits when I haven’t.
I get so enraged every single time this happens. I’m like “seriously bitch, again?” like life teaches you to learn of your mistakes and this one keeps repeating nonstop and every single time I have to sit stupidly straight, being careful not to move my arms away from the sides of my body, use only elbow to wrist movements and pray to Jesus that the air doesn’t drag my natural human odor to the person next to me.
I just wish that at least something in our lives was perfect.
Body odor sucks
There wasn't a single picture that was relatable enough to add to this entry. I was thinking about buying an iPad and draw my own images. I wish I could add a donate button, if you're interested in giving me your money let me know.
Someone asked me what I blog about and I haven’t replied.
I wanted to come up with some sort of witty line that might make me sound interesting. Is not that I’m not but I’m not as self-centered or gullible enough to believe that I’m relevant in the blogging world when I’m able to see the daily statistics, and you can’t have big numbers when you update things that people don’t like or aren’t relevant to them. Like my last post, already deleted. It didn’t catch any attention, so is a draft for now or forever.
The answer is me. I write about what bothers me, what annoys me, what keeps me up at night. I’m sure that most newbies do that or not. I’m not sure. I haven’t been an avid blog follower, I don’t stick up on to an only thing. If is not a book I don’t think I will keep focus because I get distracted easily, even more when is something that is above 500 words.
Like I could write about the fact that I came to an empty classroom to write a post about, well me, and a lady came in and said hello. I said hello back, even thought I didn’t want her to come in I can’t tell her to get out. she has as much right as I me to be here but then after she came in another one entered and they started chatting. Loudly. Now, there are four of them and they keep complaining about the fact that their teacher is being an asshole, one of them is threatening to drop out if the she can’t meet up his demands and now the clicking of a mouse is driving me insane. Even with headphones on and Demi Lovato crying about love I’m able to listen to them.
I have never understood why people, random people that I don’t know are able to get me to this level. By level I mean wanting to take out their eyeballs with a plastic spoon.
Maybe is the fact that most won’t care that their voice tone is too loud, that their comments are rude and that the sound of their voice is not a pleasant one. The millions of possibilities a person can annoy me, annoys me. Wow, that one made me smile.
I guess I’m just moody today. I wasn’t this morning. Maybe being take out of my perfect cocoon made the chemical leves in my brain jump from one lobe to the other and here we are, me venting out to strangers about strangers giving me hives. Not even the song Boston by Agustana is able to help soothe this disgusted-annoyed feeling.
I may be a little late into the Remake of Sabrina review, but should we call it a remake? I mean is nothing similar to the old Melissa Joan Hart bubble gum and pink rainbow witch world aired in 1996.
I should know since had been watching Melissa Joan Hart since Clarissa Explains it All, you know, back then when TV shows weren’t over produced, teenagers played teenagers and all was good back then, I mean my only worry was that I had to do homework and wash behind my ears.
Being a sucker for darker shows like Penny Dreadful, The Walking Dead, anything with vampire and witches and the supernatural, but not the show Supernatural, for some reason it hasn’t been my kind of thing, well probably the fact that anything it it scared me easy. I even tried season one but can’t even remember what happened on the last episode I watch, someone got possessed but that’s what happens most of the time there, right? The weird and out of the norm has been my thing so when I found out that this new Sabrina would be nothing like the old show I got interested and googled a little bit about the new plot.
Is a 60% based, at least the first season, on the firsts volumes of the comic of the same name of the show by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. And why 60%? Well, if you go after this point I have to warn you about the spoilers coming ahead.
This is what I knew about the plot when I read the first volume of the comic:
Sabrina hair is already white.
Harvey Kinkle is not her boyfriend but her love interest, he falls for her after a love potion is made.
There’s no weird sisters on Vol. 1
Sabrina’s mother is not death but in an asylum, her father burned the side of her face and made her crazy because she threatened him to reveal to the world what he was.
The aunts said something about fixing Sabrina’s mother up, about her not being able to get pregnant.
Sabrina and her aunts move to Greendale after she’s bullied at witch school.
Sabrina’s father is a tree or trapped inside one.
Salem is already there and talks, I think.
Two girls summon a sucubbus and it turns out to be an old lover of Edward Spellman.
On some Youtube videos I saw that Harvey is not really Harvey but Edward Spellman, reincarnated or whatever.
Now the show is slightly different.
The show is set on the town of Greendale, just next door of Riverdale across the Sweetwater river. The same one where the Blossom twins first appeared on season one of Riverdale. That’s right the town where Veronica, Archie, Betty and Jug live. So we have them set in the same universe, no clue what sort of name it has, maybe the Archie universe.
Sabrina lives with both her aunts Hilda and Zelda Spellman, and cousin Ambrose and has known she’s half witch half human all her life. Her 16 birthday is coming soon, which exactly falls on the 31 of October, on a blood moon day and all Hollows Eve. The perfect setting to sign your name away to the Devil and get imaginable powers. But she already has powers right? She’s a witch. She’s able to say some spells and charms so why must she sign it to get it unlocked? Well, apparently the Devil himself is the one that grants you that the second you finish writing in his big book of names with your own blood and you must do so willingly or else.
All throughout episodes 1-9 we watch as Sabrina struggles to find out a valid reason to give herself away to this world he has been pushing away from. Knowing it exist but not fully grasping the reality. Sabrina loves both of her worlds, human and supernatural. Even more with her boyfriend Harvey Kinkle, her friends and her free will.
Salem is a goblin that took a cat form, instead of adopting a familiar Sabrina called a spirit in the woods that would be wiling to protect her and she would protect him.
You see, once you sign your name you become more powerful but also it means you will have to serve him, The Devil, and follow his rules, there’s no going back. Father Blackwood tries to explain how delicious living in the darkness is, tries to lure her right until her dark baptism, the word he uses aren’t the same ones that Sabrina heard him say to her. He lied so she refuses to continue and runs away. After that a lot happens, there’s a trial to which as punishment for Sabrina’s refusal both aunts are ripped from their power and start to age rapidly, first sign is Hilda’s tooth falling out of her mouth, their skin turns white and hard like parchment and the once lustrous hair turns thin and greym, pergamin like. At the end there’s an agreement, she can live both lives, go to school with the humans but also take some clases with the rest of the young witches and warlocks at the Academy of Unseen Arts.
All of this happens just because there’s some kind of prophesy around Sabrina, at least that’s what Madame Satan says at the very end of the comics or was it Father Blackwood that said it? At this point nothing is sure, all we know as the episode continue is that she’s the daughter of the previous Priest of the Dark Church, Edward Spellman, according to a lot of the congregation he was very powerful and respected until he married a human woman, the union was permitted and blessed by the Dark Lord himself. I’m assuming it was because of the prophesy but since I only read Volumen 1 of the on going comics the chances are huge.
At the end Sabrina is forced to sign her name away by the very end of episode 10, IMDB says they were 20 but I just confirmed with Netflix, and there are 10. Mary Wardell or Madame Satan calls the 13 witches that were hanged on the same three Sabrina ate that apple that showed her weird red images about rotten corpses swinging in the air by their necks. The Devil himself attends her second Dark Baptism, which happens to be at the best time of the day or night it this case; The Witching Hour that happens between 2 and 4 am, 3 being the highest peak.
We see how truly powerful she is, casting hell fire and burning the all of the witches, which is advance magic for a 16 yearly half-witch. As the slay of the 13 witches happens Sabrina’s hair turns white. Maybe her hair turning white is a a sign of what is to come, how powerful she truly is or will be.
By the end we see white haired Sabrina walking along side the Prudence and her sisters, she’s one of them now, probably more powerful than the three.
If I would continue to write about every single thing then I wouldn't be able to finish. There's a lot of details and things that are relevant to this story and I see why they changed so much. I like the show version, and that is dark and full of things that you don't see in other shows.
Has the same air that Hemlock Grove had at the beginning, even knowing the story and reading the book didn’t really prepare me for what it was going to be like when they put what I imagined on the screen. They have to set to be appealing, draw people in. Yes, I cringed here and there, and the episode with the possession had me awake for a couple of hours at night but aside from that I truly enjoyed it.
The good thing is that Netflix ordered a second season and that means that 2019 is bringing a lot of good stuff; Game of Thrones, Stranger Things, A discovery of Witches and The Chilling adventures of Sabrina, and those are just shows don’t get me started on upcoming movies.
I plan on doing a review or review on both the book and the show of A discovery of Witches, recently discovered and loved it with passion but that is for another blog.
Great casting, Kiernan Shipka makes an excellent Sabrina and give this show a hundred stars.
Side note: this was written out of memory, any detail gotten wrong was because of the lack on information on the web since the show is rather new and hasn’t been dissected enough.
I’m pretty sure I can talk about it since is an issue that they wouldn’t even imagine that is me.
You may be a little bit confused now but when I explain it a little bit then maybe you can understand, while Jack Johnson sings about Pancakes I will tell you about it.
Besides this sporadic type of blog on my free time and I am having my spurs of creativity I pour my soul into word documents. I write about pretty girls and handsome guys that have some sort issues, first world problems that can be solved without Thanos having to appear out of thin air and snap his fingers.
My stories are above all my own fantasies, well most of them. I can’t possibly write about what appeals me most of the time, people would think I’m sick or maybe not. I sometimes worry too much about what people would think of me but that is another story for some other time. Now what I was referring to is that I was contacted a while ago by some online publishing web page or whateveryounaycallit and they are interested in one, or the only one present on the page right now. I have wanted for a while for someone to take notice and now that they have I feel like my baby is being taken away from me.
That and me having some plans with it. I wanted to send my manuscript to this publisher house but to do that I have to edit and also do this covet letter or some sort of letter telling them why my story should be taken by them.
I felt pressured reading all they asked me to have on that letter, all the requirements. I know I can do it, I’m sure I can. I just have to do it, which is the problem. I have the editors name that I have to direct the letter to, her name has been sitting on my desktop for weeks now. is a matter of decision and also, is like what if she doesn’t pick me? and then what if she does? is too much I need Jesus.
Now, if I do take the offer of the people that contacted me I must say goodbye to the publishing rights online, or so I read. I am in no condition on evaluating the example of their contract, is late and is better to tackle that with a cool head and sleep and rest.
I do know that this is a chance I’m getting, the first one but then what if this editor does pick me.
Idk what to do…
Is this what Neo felt like when Morpheous made him choose?
I have walls you see, high walls made up cement and barbed wire and I am aware that everyone does too but is not easy to just launch yourself on a dating app. You have to be confident that whoever sees you will swipe right or least consider it for a second or two, thus the picture you use has to be somewhat a clear image and look sincere.
There are a few things that would make me swipe right;
a handsome beared face
I do not think looks are everything but I do think that I have to feel atracted to what my eyes are looking at. Being fat or dark colored aren’t a deal breaker but having children might be. I’m no opposed of you having a life before meeting me but what can assure me that I won’t come second, because I won’t when it comes to children, or that I won’t feel jealousy o selfishness. I am human, I’m aware that human beings are terrible and sometimes we tend to think everything should be just the way we want them so that is a valid reason, for me, to me.
I almost. almost forgot all about that. I convinced myself to give a chance to a dude that sounded real over the phone. That appeared to have a decent job and a future. That might be a good man to me so I agreed. I a greed to meet, to go out.
His eagerness towards meeting was too much but even so I agreed.
Life has its way to change your mind about things, even asking for advice won’t make you feel a 100% sure about your decision, in my case to go out on a date. I was going to Uber, I kinda hate driving but since I was supposed to go to class before the meeting took place so that meant I’d have to Uber to school, from school to the place we were meeting and then back home. So three Ubers in one night. That’s a lot of unnecessary money being spent when I have a good functioning car capable of taking me to places. Plus valet parking so after a lot of consideration I decided the car was a better choice. So life or something else told me take my car.
He never offered to pick me up. I think I even asked him that and he replied he was going to Uber too. By that moment I was already in class going over the menu of the place and figuring out the route that would take me. Yes, I’m a planner. I tend to go over things before doing them.
About thirty minutes or less before class was done he texts me that he can’t make it because his daughter was suddenly brought to his place. Yes, the man that had been insisting for two weeks we should meet suddenly announced at 8 pm that he couldn’t make it and was sorry about it. Not only it had been planned days ahead but he almost begged that he needed to meet me.
I wasn’t pissed. It bothered me really, and then it went away. When you expect nothing is hard to feel anything at all.
He said he was sorry I said;
and then the next day it was like nothing from him until around 11 am and I didn’t feel the need to reply. Like for what?
There's something that sometimes bothers me about people who judge those who go by looks instead of, well not good looking. The whole service is to match people that have said "Oh, I find you interesting," is like windows shopping and if you like someone hot and he likes you back then how is not giving the opportunity to an ugly or not so good looking guy/man.
I'm sorry to say it but sometimes the pretty ones have far more confidence on being straightforward to what they want or how much they like you or will try so I would rather know right away what im getting into.
Eagerness just sometimes may be taken as a sign of desperation. I’m flattered that somehow I may have gotten someone interested in me, which I find weird and a little scary. Most of the time I get someone that has a mild interest in me tends to disappear or give up or, is it me that does that? Either way is something that totally terrifies me and makes me act like a paranoid person. Which I am. But also I tend to feel like everything is going to end up wrong so I have, for many years, well months after my last fiasco, i’m guarding myself from everything related to or close to an actual relationship with a man. And I say with a man because since no one really know who I am and my sexual preferences.
I must say that I lean towards the male side, making me straight w1ith some weird likes, but 99.9% straight. I wish I could name the things, kinks I lean towards to, that most people would find disgusting so keep my mouth shut and live in my little fantasies at night when no one’s looking or doing crazy things like befriending a male dominant, like a real Dom, just because I was curious but scared enough to make a me stand in between the two worlds, vanilla and spice.
I mainly blame it to two things, Fifty Shades of Grey, for opening the void and making me curious about the unknown and Tumblr, because a couple of years back they weren’t part of Yahoo and there was no control over what was being posted on it. Also my curiosity plays big part on this. You see, a non curious person would have just read the books and moved on with his/her life, if that sort of life didn’t woke up that itch that needed to be starched by a wrapped latex penis. hah, that’s something that I hadn’t thought about before. Weird.
But not me.
I did the research. Not that sort of investigative report Anastasia Steele did once Christian Grey suggested she started with the word Submissive. Way ahead of you girl! I did the full research for every unknown word and anything that sounded like it was something I wasn’t supposed to known and then I stared going onto Fetlife and discovered this local group near my city, took online tests and pools and such, and then followed these girls online and then more books appeared and by then I was hooked for like two years on BDSM themed like stories and then I tried to write a few and made a name of myself on Tumblr and then I discovered that I might be into spanking and then I saw a video and the result of a what a real spanking did your body and decided it wasn’t for me.
There’s so much weird online but also SO interesting.
There’s this crowd online that lives a double life, for us, the ones that, well for the ones that know nothing like Jon Snow. Like I would just look at some couples and wonder how kinky are they or if they like it rough or simply how vanilla are they.
After being just a lurker, I could categorize myself into one of the many many tags that they hav. I’d say I’m a voyeur. I could never take part of a scene, I’m too uptight and even thought I have many fantasies that I would love to live someday. I also believe that I’m not into sharing or any group sex activities that these individuals seem to enjoy. I guess is something you’d have to experience to really know if you would like or not. I’m not overruling it, is a possibility like everything in life but I just don’t see myself doing it.
Ok, I have gotten out of context. I have no clue how I wen’t from writing about my views on eager men towards the BDSM world.
I need to start structuring my posts or is it fun to just don’t know what to expect whenever I post something?
I’m getting sleepy.
I wish I had the courage to write about my own sexual experiences for once but I am not that brave and here, even making Lady Grey my online persona I can’t shed the idea that there might be a way to figure out who am I. See, I’m paranoid af.
I may have left some things vaguely explained but yeah, that's all you get.
For around three – four days, I felt like I was going to pass away in the middle of the night. It may sound dramatic but my whole body felt like it was suspended in mid air. Weightless and lightheaded at the same time.
What scared me the most was that I hardly ever get sick. I drink vitamins, I do cleansing (this means when you drink stuff that makes you get rid of the bad stuff inside you ) and I do like to stop drinking carbonated drinks and sugar for short periods at a time. Is my way to give my body break. By no means that implies that I’m skinny but I do have capability of stopping myself from stuffing my face with too much junk food. I’m a walking contradiction. I am in perfect body health, my recdent lab test says so! I’m just a “few” pounds over my ideal body weight. which is not skinny but healthy looking with untoned abs and legs.
Someday I will get there, in the mean time I will drink green tea and pretend I’m a fit girl a few months at a time. I know I am lying to myself, I have no time. Work and school consume most of my free time and also I tend to ignored the fact that I could easily work out but I like to pretend that the extra time I do get a few days a weeks is for sleeping my ass off.
Back to my health scare. I also felt this tingling sensation on my lips and toes, my heart felt like it was slowing down and the only time I felt a tiny bit better was whenever I was horizontal on my bed. There was also this almost me barfing but not really. headaches and feeling cold inside. I wouldn’t even let myself fall sleep because in my head I really thought I was going to die in my sleep. All this happened and not a single soul knew. I even went to get my pressure checked. According to WebMD I could have been having a heart attack or some sort of stroke and something related to it so I went and first of all there’s this new doctor at my job. I felt like didn’t believe what I said and since I’m used to work with people I had to play myself around her, just agreed and had her send me for lab tests, just to see if there was anything wrong.
My pressure test came out perfect. If I don’t smoke and stop eating disgusting food, like Cheetos then I will live to a 100 or if cancer gets me I may not get very far. But you should never talk about cancer, so let’s scratch that word. Cancer.
I went and in like less than 30 minutes I had all my blood and pee in tubes and stuff and laid back in bed. Oh yeah, woke up that day around 6 AM. I hate waiting and most labs here, where I live, open very early. I think I was like one of the first few that got tested.
At the end it was nothing, well not nothing. There’s this virus around, that attacks people in different ways and my version was similar to some others.
I really thought I was going to dieeeee~!
no pictures this time.
*I'm sorry you had to experience how crazy my brain works.