glucose is bad for me

I been meaning to write for few days now but I am unable since I have acrylics on my nails and I find it awkward and dificult. They are far more longer than I’m used to, even with the tip of my fingers is a slow process and it bothers me.

I could do nail clippers on them but then I’m not sure how it will affect them or if i’d do a good job. pretty sure that i’d mess them up. i already gave up on trying to have good grammar.

I just want to be able to type and vent without have my nails in the way, and they do look pretty. i love them. but i also love it when i’m able to type to my hearts content. i know that i complain a lot but i guess i made this post just to do that specifically. sure, i had anothe concept in mind but my mind wonders everywhere and i find it hard to just stick to just one single thing. if i could i would talk about anything, everything and anyone. like the boy i find myself saying secrectly that he’s my boyfriend but i told him we weren’t doing labels until we met. yep, is a long distance thin and is a long story.

the fact that we been talking for years and even knew how he looked like makes me want to back and ask myself why didn’t i notice him. he did, right away i think but never told me a thing. i guess i was intested in someone else and we were basically friendly back then and not actually friends. he initiated the wooing and the hints and i cave in to let it happen and see were it takes us. or me. becuase i have this defense mechanism that makes me pull away from guys when something bigs is happening or bound to happen.

see what I mean about sticking to one thing. I’m unable to.

the thing is we are finally meeting or trying to. for me traveling is easier and I decided to go to him, not staying at his place cause….of reasons i have and have clearly stated several times. this is just to meet and see if the attraction is real. later we will see. for now is just hopes and dreams. i think he likes me more and to me is just habit. he is my type sans the vin diesel voice.

I guess this could be my journal now, uh?

if it is then I should talk about my weight issues and my new gym and healthy living, i swear i am trying to but is not easy when you are used to eat whatever you want. two days ago i almost cave in and had a twinkie. and today it was fried chicken. my advantage to all this is that i don’t do candies just bake stuff and i’m lazy, so it means i won’t drive myself to any store that has cakes, it’s been weeks since i’ve been at the supermarket or any stores. i did cheat today with a slice of cake that was inside the fridge, at the moment when i was gulfing it down like it was the last piece of cake in the world i felt great but afterwards not so much. my cravings are afected by my mestrual cycle a lot and we are on those days when it’s coming so sweets is the main thing on my head.

I also want to mix it with salty stuff but that’s a habit, like balancing the sugar and the sodium inside me. which is bad for me, the sugar, my head tends to want to explode whenener my intake is higher than what i’m used to or allow myself. one lolipo is fine, two; letal. so i try to moderated that and soda or carboanted drinks which have so much sugar in them. i’m also weak and i’m not going to sit here and type the ideal person that goes into a losing weight regimen and say that i haven’t eaten any sweets. i do, there’s this bag of reeses inside the fridge that proves it, the cake i already wrote about, the ice cream cake that also we had in the fridge and the three or four glasses of lemon juice, but those were because i have the flu and i am trying to get rid of it before it makes me weak and stupid.

dates relevant to this post:

  • the last time inside a supermarket may 16
  • last slice of cake today; jun 13
  • when i decided to finally start losing weight; jun 1

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Untitled

I’m having a really hard time these past couple of days and it has to be with the constant weather change.

I’m really sensitive when it comes to climate change but I hasn’t happened before while im in my own country. I travel, I used to travel more but I made the decision to go back to school and pursue a masters degree, a basic one actually. I enjoy it but I’m short on cash and time, I mean there’s no price on education really but as the end comes near I being to get more and more desperate to just be done with it.

School is no my number one priority right now and even thought I tend to procrastinate a lot of things, like assignments, I always end up getting good grades. I must say if I paid this much effort before I could have been way better, I lacked motivation and I really didn’t liked what I was studying. But that’s another story for another time.

IT all started with my allergies. I skin is my main concern, since a while back I haven’t had a clear skin in years and no matter how much I spend on skin care products or routines. It gets better to get worse, is a vicious cicle and I wish my body would stop with the hormones and stuff. I even go to a place to get facials, and I know that if I go constantly it would help me more but the issue with it is that I have less time now and also it doesn’t help my savings account or monthly expenses on silly things like books and food, and whatever I convince myself is a good thing to get on amazon. But is mostly food these days .

So my allergies aren’t something you could see, I mainly start to feel itchy on my arms and upper body. Then it spreads like fire, my eyes water, my throats threatens to swell but I think that part is inside my head and then there’s the ears. Itchy ears. Just writing about that makes me want to dip a cotton swab in lukewarm water and gently roll it around my index and thumb while I scratch the back of my throats, if there is such thing, until I feel satisfied. Which tends to take a lot.

The next and final, that I know of, is the nose stuffing. And that’s kind of new.

You see whenever I’m somewhere with low temperature, like under the 45 F my nose bleeds but since is so cold everything is stuck in there until I use warm water to liquify everything. I mean it feels like ice chards and no matter how much I pick and blow it won’t come off until I apply warm water and patience. I use to make fun of people whose nose would bleed by calling them weak without knowing that some day that might be me. At least is because of reasons named above and not cause I flicked it and it casually opened some tiny vain.  There was this girl in my class, whom I recent to this day, that would have bleeds and I’d just stare from my desk in disgust. she would thought her head back while everything stood around worried. Back then I gave no fucks, I still don’t but by that time I was socializing to a degree. I kept books that some how I found inside this box at home, weren’t age appropriate for me because of all of the sex happening there but even with that I was one of the few who got out of high school with her V card still attached, or  more vulgar, with my himen intact.

Wow, I going way out of topic here.

And this is where I decided sleep was far better than me continuing this post, you see I value sleep greatly. Is the next day and any ideas related to whatever was my point here have already dissipated. 

I’m done.

I'm unable to name this blog post, so I'll do just like that song by Simple Plan Untittled and be done with it. Good night.